A Running Scorecard for the Rest of Us

Look in almost any issue of the HTC News and you will see results of the Huntsville Track Club Grand Prix, a yearly contest for HTC members. Throughout the year, winners of certain races are awarded points and at the end of the year, the Grad Prix winner is the one with the most points—just like auto racing. I’m sure this is a spirited affair, with rival runners passing each other in the standings throughout the year and the results often not being settled until the final race. But, let’s face it: Most of us are never going to be in contention for the Grand Prix, or, for that matter, score any points at all. But, that’s okay—not everyone can be a winner, or even a contender.

However, we ordinary runners would like to score points for our runs, too. It doesn’t have to be points for winning, just points. So, with that in mind I have created a running score card for “the rest of us”.

Runners and Technology: Runners interact with a lot of technology, sometimes intentionally and some unintentionally.
+10 Activate a motion detector light.
+50 Activate two motion detectors simultaneously.
-100 The owner comes running out with a shotgun to see what’s happening.

Traffic Regulations: There are a lot of traffic regulations for drivers, but don’t you ever wonder if any of them also apply to runners?
+1 “Running” a stop sign.
+100 Breaking a speed limit. (Tricky, since the human speed record is 12 mph).
-200 You get a Moving Violation for either of these.

Interactions with Drivers: Not all drivers understand the concept of “running”. How do you interact with them?
+10 A driver stops and asks if you need a ride.
+25 You are actually running and not just stretching or walking at the time.
+50 They look at you like you are crazy when you tell them you are out there without a vehicle on purpose.
-100 If you wimp out and take them up on the offer.

Running with your pet: Running with you dog can be a rewarding experience for both of you You can improve your health while enjoying the company of man’s best friend.
+10 Take your dog running with you
+25 Take more than one dog with you.
+100 Figure out how to take a cat running with you.
-75 Your dog stops during the run and refuses to go any further.

Personal Accomplishment: As we get older, the PR’s don’t come as often as they used to, if they come at all. Sometimes we need to set different goals.
+10 Complete a run of more than one mile with your shoes on the opposite feet.
+50 Run a complete race of at least 5k with you shoes on the opposite feet.
-150 If it was not intentional.

Record keeping: Keeping good records can be helpful and modern technology makes it even easier.
+10 Log the time & distance of the run with a spreadsheet.
+25 Also log temperature, pulse rate, weight, etc.
+50 Use a database and data mining techniques to find a correlation between your pace & the dew point.
-100 Do this while you are running.

Races: What can we do when we run races to help out or just stand out?
+5 Wear your race number where it can be easily seen.
+25 Wear a costume such as Mr. Incredible.
-150 If this is not during a race.

Day and Night: It is always fun to start in the dark and watch the sun rise while you run, or vice-verse.
+25 Cross a day/night boundary while running.
+250 Cross two of them in the same run. Double below 60 deg latitude.

Heroes Happen Here?

I don’t which is stranger: that there is a new comic book style comic strip featuring IT (Information Technology) people or that there is a new comic book style comic strip from Microsoft. They’re the same thing and it’s called Heroes Happen Here. You can read it at Microsoft’s Heros Happen Here website which is promoting new versions of Visual Studio, SQL Server and Windows Server. You can also read it at their Technet blog or subscribe to the feed. To read the past strips in their full glory at the HHH website, you need to install Microsoft’s new bright and shiny “software tool”, Silverlight. If you don’t have Silverlight and don’t want to install it, you can read the archive in plain ol’ JPEG format at the Technet blog.

I liked the idea when I heard about it, but the actually strips give me mixed feelings. Perhaps the kindest way to put it is to say that the writers have yet to find their “voice“. The strip can’t decide if it wants to be Dilbert, Drabble or Spiderman.

There Are Two Ways We Can Do This

I’ve come to the conclusion that a strip like this can go in one of two directions:

1. A strip about the ordinary things that happen to an IT person, but with a dramatic flair. Short to medium length story arcs, but with a minor resolution each day: a punch line or plot point. This is like most newspaper “funnies”. Think of it as Dilbert, but with humor and drama with more detailed art work.
2. A classic comic book melodrama that involves IT; heroes & villains, but no superheroes or supervillains. More drama, less humor, longer story arcs. It would be about IT in roughly the same way that Superman was about the newspaper business.

HHH clearly started as the first type. Here is a good example, the strip from day 4. This has humor and IT, but also can be part of a larger, more dramatic, story arc. BTW, does anyone know what his shirt says? In an earlier strip his shirt proclaimed “DO THE MATH”

However, on day 8 the strip morphed into the second type fast enough to give your brain whiplash. I had to re-read that strip and the past few strips and was still confuzzled, as my daughter would say. Anyone who has read Robert Heinlein’s “Have Spacesuit, Will Travel” will remember that moment in the story when reality suddenly vanished to be replaced by a surreal melodrama. Same thing here. Below is the comic from day 9. Hold on to your brain. The following days’ strips get even more surreal.

What Is a Comic Strip Storyline Writer To Do?

I don’t think that mixing the two types of comic strip will work. HHH should pick one and stick with it.

Which would be best? I think a strip of the first type would be best. It’s funny and light-hearted. Sure its stereotypical, but it is a comic strip. The first week’s strips might be called hokey or corny by some, but they were still funny and IT people could identify with them. I cut out the first strip above and put it on my door at work.

The changed strip does feel more like a comic book, or at least what they were like–I haven’t read one in a few decades. But, it feels a lot less “real”. These things don’t happen to real IT people. We don’t have a helicopter sent to take us and an old computer to catch a chartered plane. (Well, maybe if you do IT for the CIA.) We can’t identify with this sort of thing. If the strip is supposed to be about “real” IT heroes, this won’t work. And I can’t see anyone putting any of this type of strip on their door. Certainly not me.

Life Lessons from a Race Course Sentry

In my previous life (my 20’s), I ran the Rocket City Marathon once. In the years after that, I gradually stopped running, but recently I started back again. Since my training is not yet back up to marathon length, my participation in this year’s Rocket City Marathon was as a race course sentry.

It’s a fun job. A “Special Sentry” (really, that is what the instruction sheet calls it) gets to wear a goofy looking bright green vest, set out race cones and then direct runners. In my case, I pointed runners to the cones marking the right lane and said “right lane” as needed. I also got to point a few cars to the left lane if they weren’t paying attention to the police officers directing traffic. The active Governor’s Drive construction site made it even more interesting.

Life has taught me that there are lessons to be learned in almost anything you do. Since this was my first time as a sentry, there was even more to learn. So, if you will forgive me for broadly over-generalizing, here is what I learned in four hours one Saturday at the intersection of Gallatin & Governors, the 25.7 mile mark of the Rocket City Marathon.

• If you wear a bright green vest near a construction site, some pedestrians will mistake you for a construction worker and ask you when the road will finally be finished.
• One the plus side, however, being near a construction site means there is always a port-a-potty handy.
• If you say “right lane” and point to the cone marking the right lane, some runners will same “thank you” to the person who just bossed them around, even after running 25.7 miles.
• Women are much more likely to do this than men.
• If you are a course sentry who also happens to be a guy, you will be so stunned by this it will take 10 or 15 people saying “thank you” before you think to reply “you’re welcome”.
• Standing up for four hours will make your feet ache a lot more than you would think.
• Likewise, holding up your arm to direct runners to the right lane makes your arm ache a lot more than you would think.
• It’s fun to direct traffic, even if all you are doing is pointing the cars the same way as the police officer the drivers weren’t paying attention do.
• A few people will dress up to run the marathon. Women will be sensible and just wear a tiara. However, some guy will dress up in a complete Mr. Incredible costume. And, oddly enough, he will be the last one across the intersection before the course is closed.
• When 1200 people run past you, you are likely to see someone you haven’t seen in 20 years. (Hi Charley!)
• As a people, we don’t always pay attention to directions as well as we should. Running 25.7 miles doesn’t help this any. However, if a few people do it right, everyone else will follow their lead.
• And, as much as you might be tempted direct the runners by saying “Runners, right lane; victims, left lane”, saying “please” is more effective.
• And finally: Some people will ask “how far?” If you are a half-mile from the end and say “half mile left”, at least one woman will say “I love you” and at least one guy will ask “Exactly?”

See my album page of the photos I took.

I Found UFOs in the GalaxyZoo Galaxy Survery!

Sounds like a tabloid headline, doesn’t it? Well, it’s true! The objects I found are unidentified (they are not galaxies, nebulas or other deep-sky objects) and I assume they are flying because they are not on the ground. I didn’t say anything about aliens.

It all started with a photo (ref. 588007005232496884) from the Galaxy Zoo project. On July 13, Oxford University announced the Galaxy Zoo Project & website to classify galaxies with the help of ordinary people around the world. I was looking at a few galaxies to classify them and got a photo with a dashed green line in it. “This is not a galaxy,” I said to myself. (You can’t put anything by me.) I adjusted the URL parameters of the image to zoom out and enlarge the image to get the whole line. The image on the right is a section of the line. It is hard to see in the small image, click it for a larger imgage to see the line better. What can this be? Could be an asteroid or a comet, except they don’t blink and aren’t green. Could be an airplane, but where are the other lights. Also, based on the number of dashes, this looks like it only lasted a few seconds. I am sure these exposures are much longer than that.

Then I became curious about a blue smudge I saw to the right and ‘adjusted’ over to it. Then I saw the ’superman’ lights. (Doesn’t the top red one look like the symbol on Superman’s chest?) At least now I think I know what this is: an airplane with flashing blue, green and red lights. I assume the shape of the objects is from reflections in the optics. However, I don’t understand why the lines are not longer. The exposure seems too short. Since the project suggest emailed about any unusual objects, I emailed the reference to the project. Perhaps I’ll have the answer soon.

You can click on the images above for a larger image (1000×700). Below are the links to the same images on the sky survey server. Its take a while for the images from the sky server links to load because they must be generated form the database each time. The whole green line Close-up of the end of the line (not shown above) The ‘Superman’ Lights (Wide, top photo The ‘Superman’ Lights (Close, bottom photo)

My Taco Sauce Wisdom

I have signed a deal to have my humorous writing published and several hundred million copies will be printed in 2006. Okay, the publisher is Taco Bell, my writing is 6 words, the payment is $260 in tacos and the copies are sauce packets, but hey, it is true.

As you know if you’ve eaten at Taco Bell in the last few years, the sauce packets now have cute sayings on them such as “Bike tires scare me” and “Where are you taking me?” Taco Bell calls these “Sauce Wisdoms,” but they are obviously using some definition of the word wisdom that I am unfamiliar with. In 2004 Taco Bell added new sayings by having a contest with 12 winners. I missed that one, but this year I saw on their website that they were having another contest to pick 15 new sayings. A year’s supply of Taco Bell food would go to each winner. Visions of clever sayings and free burritos danced in my head.

I submitted pithy sayings via the Taco Bell website every few days as I thought of them–a total of 16 sayings. I received an e-mail message yesterday from Taco Bell with the fateful subject, “You’re a Sauce Wisdom Winner!” Yes! Fame and Fortune! Or at least, Fame and Free Food!

I quickly printed, signed and faxed the release attached to the message. The winners have not been announced anywhere yet, I suspect because they are waiting to get all the releases. And after that if will take several months to print the sauce packets with the new and improved “Sauce Wisdoms.” But, soon you will be able to read my “Words of Wisdom” on millions of Taco Bell sauce packets and I’ll be eating $260 worth of free Taco Bell food.

Oddly enough, they did not pick one of my really good ones. My first submission, and one of my best I thought, was “Help! I’m being held prisoner in a taco sauce factory!” And yes, I stole it from the old joke about the fortune cookie that said, “Help! I’m being held prisoner in a fortune cookie factory.” Instead they picked the not-quite-as-clever “This space for rent. Inquire within.” However, the fame, such as it is as, is just as good and the food is just as free.

You’ll notice I’m not listing all my submissions. I’ll hold on to the other 14 sayings and use them again next year if they have a contest. Hey, free food is free food and after a year of free burritos, I don’t want to have to go through withdrawal.

The only drawback so far is hearing my kids come up with sauce wisdoms constantly. The most prolific is my 1st grader who seems to come up with one a minute, usually some thing along the lines “Put me on your taco” or “Pick me or I will tell your mother.” 6 years old and he is already jealous of my fame!

My Other Writing Projects

This is not my first attempt at writing. I was a writer for the UAH exponent for a year during my senior year there. I have written humorous songs, mostly for my kids, and two puppet plays for church that used humor to teach. (Try writing a “Star Trek” script for an all-girl puppet team.) I have written science fiction short stories, some humorous. So far my only success has been at collecting rejection slips.

Some of my best attempts at writing clever witticisms can be found at Slapfish.com, a site that features parodies of motivational posters. (”We can’t spell failure without U.”)

This is not my first time to win a contest either, but it is the second best prize, right behind the iPod I won in the Huntsville Times’ Bob Bucks contest a few years ago.

As far as fame from contests, it will probably pass my Honorable Mentions in a 1995 Washington Post Style Invitational contest (free reg required), Bad Analogies (no reg required). You have probably had it forwarded to you or have seen it on a web site misattributed as “Worst Analogies by High School Students.” I have also seen individual analogies used as email or web-post signatures. My two winning analogies were “The politician was gone but unnoticed like the period after the Dr on a Dr Pepper can” and “After sending my entries to the Style Invitational, I feel relieved and apprehensive like a little boy who has just wet the bed.” Yeah. Those were mine. Well, the first was mine, the second was ripped off from–I mean inspired by–a comment about communication in the Faulkner & Brecheen Marriage Enrichment Seminar I heard many years ago. At least those analogies occasionally had my name still attached. In fact, a reporter from the Philadelphia Inquirer called me about it in December 1996. He was disappointed about the high school student part not being true, but did a story on it anyway.

However, I take fame and fortune as it comes and I’ll take this fortune with my mouth wide-open.

Sauce Wisdoms

In case you are interested, this year’s contest winners are:

• Ahhh… we meet again.
• At night the sporks pick on me.
• Can I drive?
• I collect straws.
• I’m just doing this between films.
• I’m taking the day off. See next packet.
• Ketchup? Puh-leese.
• Make a wish.
• Not it!
• Ooh! Ooh! I call glove compartment.
• Thanks for rescuing me, mild was getting on my nerves.
• Will you marry me?
• This space for rent. Inquire within.
• Help! I can’t tell where I am. It’s dark and I can hear laughing.
• Will you scratch my back?

Last year’s contest winners were:

• Bike tires scare me. ? B. Sonderegger (Irvine, Calif.)
• Hello. ? S. Campbell (Mesa, Ariz.) and A. Franklin (Lakeland, Fla.)
• I M A HOT T R U 2? ? M. Carson (East Wenatchee, Wash.)
• I’m in good hands now. ? B. Sonderegger (Irvine, Calif.)
• It’s okay, you can say it. I love you too. ? D. Kortenhoeven (Colorado Springs, Colo.)
• Mmmm…sauce. ? T. Stuckey (Smyrna, Ga.) and C. Underhill (White House, Tenn.)
• My sauce is an honor student at Taco Middle School. ? C. Kemmerer (Cocoa Beach, Fla.)
• Not to be used as a flotation device. ? T. Coleman (Indianapolis, Ind.)
• Pick me! Pick me! ? S. Campbell (Mesa, Ariz.), C. Gierhart (Toledo, Ohio), D. Gray (Louisville, Ky.), J. Scoyni (Bakersfield, Calif.) and A. Teraberry (Scottsdale, Ariz.)
• When I grow up I want to be a waterbed. ? J. Rydman (Alameda, Calif.)
• Where are you taking me? ? K. Moody (Arlington, Tenn.)
• You had me at taco. ? L. Hunt (West Monroe, La.)

And just to be complete, the original “Sauce Wisdoms” were:

• The Official Sauce of Taco Bell
• The Road to Mediocrity is littered with Empty Ketchup packets
• Use your Stomach Nacho Mind
• So many Chalupas So Little Time
• Polly want a Taco?
• Save a Bun Eat a Taco
• Live Life One Sauce Packet at a time
• How Many of these do you already Have in your Glove Compartment
• Warning You’re about to Make a Taco Very Happy
• Be Gentle
• My Other Taco is a Chalupa
• Find Inner Peace in Every Piece of Our Marinated Chicken
• Why Order a Taco when you can Ask Politely
• Hello
• Does a Grilled Stuft Burrito qualify you for the car pool lane?
• Heads…
• …Tails
• If you throw this, would it be a flying saucer?
• Open quickly… I’m burning up in here.
• Nice palm. I read a great deal of pleasure in your future.
• Do you add sauce left to right or right to left?
• Willing to relocate.
• Of all those sauce packets why me, why now?
• Careful I don’t do well under pressure
• Mi salsa es tu salsa.
• Single Mild Sauce Seeking Friendship Maybe More
• Single Hot Sauce Seeking Friendship Maybe More
• Single Fire Sauce Seeking Friendship Maybe More
• Mild Sauce the New Ketchup
• Hot Sauce the New Ketchup
• Fire Sauce the New Ketchup

11/7 Here is an article from a California newspaper about a lady who entered 3 of the winning sauce wisdoms.

Pictures of my Kids on the Sewanee University Webcam

Here are pictures of the kids from the Sewanee University, (The University of the South at Sewanee) webcam taken on March 18, 2005. My dad took the kids to visit the “Cowen Branch” of the Goode family and stopped by Sewannee University on the way back. Click on a image to see a larger version.

You can view the live webcam at 352×240, updated 2-3/sec or 704×480, not updated.

The Last Person on Earth Without a Blog

With all of the hoopla on the web about blogs, sometimes it seems as if I’m the last person in the world without a blog. Time to change that. My blog will open soon.